14 Characteristics of High-Performing People: Being Humble

What is “Humble”? 

When someone begins a statement with, “In my humble opinion…” do you perceive they are a humble person?  Or are they masking pride and setting themselves up for a fall? 

Pride is the fear that if you can’t be yourself and be accepted then you have no value.  It creates a shell that demands that we exert energy to hold onto our self-worth: “I’m proud of what I did!”  That’s different from describing your accomplishments to others, especially if you’re working to win a client or close a deal.  Have you been told, “Don’t be such a bragger!”  It’s not bragging if you are being honest about your capabilities and you’re listing out your achievements (without exaggeration or embellishment).  Surely, you can be happy about your accomplishments, but a prideful attitude leads to arrogance.   

Since we were in “definitions” mode last time, let’s take a look at what humble means: 

Humble (adjective): Modest, unpretentious; lacking vanity or self-importance.   

Antonyms: Arrogant, egotistical, boastful; prideful. 

Humility isn’t thinking less of yourself, it’s thinking about yourself less. 

Arrogance surfaces when someone expresses fear through their character in behaviors.  When people denigrate themselves and say things like, “I’m not that great” they show how uneasy they are with their situation.  Imagine someone making these statements: 

• I don’t know why anyone would marry me; I’d make a lousy husband. 
• I’m a terrible salesperson, no one would buy anything from me. 
• I wouldn’t eat that if I were you, I’m a horrible cook. 
• I’ve killed more patients than I’ve saved but hey let me do brain surgery on you. 

How would you respond? 

Humility is knowing you are exactly qualified, and your record speaks for you.  Humble people don’t think less of themselves, they think of themselves less.  They are comfortable in their own skin, so they don’t need to think about themselves all the time.  They focus on others and things that are going on outside their head!  They look for ways to serve and help others – how can I make a difference in the world? 

The best way to do this is to find your humble center, be open to accepting feedback from others.  If you make an error in judgment, it doesn’t end the world, it gives you an opportunity to learn and grow.  Looking at something from another perspective helps us understand people better and allows us to serve them better.  

Lynn thinks it’s difficult for people to be humble because it means surrendering an intense emotion.  People tend to protect their emotions – we seek to validate them – so we are reluctant to give them up.  Ben added that this applies to our points of view, also, which often leads to those emotions.  A humble person makes a statement, “I believe … ,“ then adds, “I could be wrong, but I think that is what is right and honorable in the world.”  You signaled that you are open to hearing what others have to say, in case there is new information that could persuade you to change your mind.  You abandoned the arrogance of being right and displayed humility about seeking others’ opinions.  This invites them to share their opinions and talk about why they think that way. 

Nobody has the right to be right.  

A humble person realizes that he or she is not the smartest person on the planet!  Nobody has the right to be right – it’s attached to pride.  Give up that notion to improve your relationships immediately.  There’s safety in numbers and all of us are smarter than one of us; it’s like adding someone else’s resumé to my own!  Allowing others to express their viewpoints and describe their experiences gives us a unique opportunity to embrace their beliefs and incorporate those we feel will augment or enhance our own.  As long as our core values are intact, there is no fear in acknowledging someone else’s perspective. 

From the Dark Ages to the Wild West… 

Here's an example of the ultimate hubris of arrogance: 

“My honor demands satisfaction – I challenge you to a duel at sunrise!” 

Ben said, honor doesn’t demand anything of anyone else, it’s internal to me.  If I have to prove my honor – it’s just glory – and glory is the playground of pride.  Pride demands that I show everyone how good I am; arrogance is believing my security depends on other people knowing how good I am, so I have to force it on them.  Humility says I know how good I am regardless of whether you know about it.  I think and act the way I do because of who I am, not because of your opinion of me. 

…Into the Future 

According to Mr. Spock in Star Trek, “The needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few.”  It’s true for interplanetary relationships as well as play dates right here on Earth!  Ben has a story to help illustrate this: 

Recently, some friends were over with their kids.  The plan was that at dinner time, Kate’s oldest son would go with his Dad for some one-to-one time together.  When Dad arrived, Josh was torn because although he wanted his special time together with Dad, he didn’t want to leave and miss out on all the fun he knew would continue into the evening.  After a while of agonizing over it, Josh decided to stay at the party, so Dad left.   

Almost immediately, Josh started moping and whining about his regrets.  Kate became frustrated but she showed humility by putting aside her own feelings to do what was best for everyone.  She wanted to stay at the party but realized his behavior was affecting the others, so she made the choice to take him home.  That was the best solution to preserve the favored outcome for everyone at the party. 

The happy ending part of the story is that although it was an hour round trip, Kate came back to the party and enjoyed the rest of the evening with friends and kids.  She was able to work out the best solution for each of them.  A humble person seeks to uncover the best in others, produce the best solutions even if it’s not their idea, and accept the outcome even if it wasn’t the way they wanted it. 

Float Like a Butterfly, Sting Like a Bee! 

Here's a brain teaser to end this blog.  Think of Muhammad Ali, who was known as “The Greatest” and lived up to the name.  He was assertive about his skills and abilities in the boxing ring and may be accused of grandstanding but did not come across as prideful and certainly not humble.  Part of his job was to milk his celebrity standing by displaying a certain persona in public.  He was very good!