Fear and Love: How They Express Through Our Character

Expressions of Character 

We believe love (positive) energy or fear (negative) energy undergirds all our emotions. Stated another way, emotions are an expression of our beliefs with the fear and the love energy behind them. That energy is expressed through our character. Good energy expresses and expands perfectly and abundantly. We wrote last year about characteristics we believe high-performing people embody.  

One of the characteristics we wrote about was humility where we described the behavior of a humble person. He or she focuses on others, and they look for ways to serve; they ask, “How can I make a difference in the world?” One of the things we discussed was the fear element of this characteristic, which often presents itself as arrogance. If you experience someone who is on an arrogant tyrannical tear, you’re experiencing someone expressing a large wellspring of fear energy through the concept of humility. They are afraid of something, and it blocks their ability to be comfortable in humility, so they cover it up by expressing pride or arrogance.   

Fear Love Energy 

Fear and love are energy – you could say they're a state of being. They express our sense of belonging – our “being-ness”. We all want to belong, to be part of the social group, to be valued and honored by others. Our default energy is love and we see it in a newborn baby’s eyes looking up at his or her mother, it’s pure belonging. But then when the threat of lack or loss or being out of reach starts to creep in, we are afraid our needs will not be met. We pull back that love energy and retreat into (draw from) secondary or tertiary emotions. That leads us to explore coping strategies like codependency and we spiral deeper into fear (of loss) energy. Again, energy expresses and expands perfectly and abundantly. 

How can I make a difference in the world?

Lynn put it this way: An infant comes into the world experiencing and expressing loving energy. As the child gets older and her cognitive abilities develop, she hears what people say and sees what they do toward her and fear creeps in. The child expresses herself verbally and Mom says, “You talk too much” so the child feels she is not accepted into her mother’s social sphere. The child no longer feels the freedom of expression and the underlying uncertainly and doubt begins to affect her behavior. 

Have you ever experienced someone else’s child throwing a tantrum? Well, yes! How did the parent react? Dad said, “Hey, great job kiddo, keep it up!” Well, no! And certainly, we do not want the parent to resort to physical or verbal violence to stop the behavior. We suggest accepting that the child is experiencing some emotion that led to their crying, screaming or kicking. Responding to those behaviors with love, and gently reinforcing boundaries, shows that you accept the child. You are teaching them a different way to express their feelings or emotions without being invasive to others. The child’s fear is the problem, and you can show them how to have emotions without violating other people. It’s okay to  scream or cry, but not “in my face” so you can take it to your room to express yourself. You can let them know that you do not want to receive their behavior. 

Same Case, Different Place 

In the instance where you are in a public place and their emotions result in outward behavior, the loving response is to recognize the need for damage control at that point. It may not be possible to stop and resolve the core issue at that time. Recognize that you may need to leave the store or wherever you are, because you don’t want the child to be ridiculed or ostracized or allow them to continue disrupting others nearby.  

You don’t have to agree with someone else’s behavior. 

Ben added that people are allowed to have whatever emotions they experience, but sometimes you have to remove yourself from the situation (or public place) to have them. Our point is that you don’t have to agree with someone else’s behavior, nor is it necessary to shame them or send a message that they are a bad person. You can acknowledge that they experienced something that led them to act in such a way without making it about yourself. Calling someone else a name or projecting your emotions onto them (insinuating that “they” are “your” problem) is unnecessary. Your own fear is the problem, and once you learn to identify the fear and the love within it provides awareness of your emotions.  

Here's a Self-Test 

So, is it really as simple as: Fear=Negative and Love=Positive? Not really. Here is a way to check and see for your consideration: 

Have you experienced a negative emotion? Did you ignore the signs and think, “It’s not me. I’m a good person. I always have good intentions and it can’t be my fault.” You’ve issued a judgment on the other person’s behavior. You do not care to understand their behavior and choose to let yourself off the hook regarding your own intentions. Will you let the other person slide? Ask yourself, what do I fear most in this situation? How can I search my emotions to understand the root cause of my fear? Where did I start feeling it? What caused me to react that way?  

If you feel that you tend to ignore this process, we can help. Please reach out to us!